As Young as you Feel


Master Class is mixing things up, and doing a somewhat elaborate month-long challenge in which you get to pick and choose from a variety of challenges that will update regularly.  The one-word challenge of the first week is:

Hooligan

It’s such a great word, how could I resist?  click on the link below to go to the page and read the other submissions or post your own!

“Mildred!  If anyone asks, I been out here with you all day!”  Ernie cackled delightedly and pushed the screen door shut with his cane.  He had a newspaper under his arm and two beers.

His wife of sixty-three years was weeding the vegetable garden.  It was a strange garden, with stout banisters  running between the rows.  Their son had patronizingly explained wireless technology to his poor backwards mam when she’d asked how he liked his provider, and, since getting her set up with the device, had received  cellphone calls from across town to ‘help his poor old mamma up from her gardening’. Mysteriously, and entirely unconnected to the fact that he had accidentally made his Outlook Calendar public to his contacts, he was always on his way in for a massage when she called.  He built the fences so that Mildred could pull herself up, and she had thanked him profusely, eyes twinkling.  They made excellent trellises.

Mildred joined Ernie in the shade of their porch.

“Heya toots,” Ernie deposited a sound kiss on her lips and offered up the bottles, “Give us a hand?”

“Your damned arthritis, what good are you anymore?” she chortled, popping the caps off the two beers with a sharp tap to the edge of their cinder-block table.  “What have you really been up to, you old hooligan?”

“Me?  Why, I’m just a feeble old codger.” Ernie took a swig of his beer.  “Not much could get up to, is there?  But might be that the dog walker who called you an ugly old witch and doesn’t pick up after his dogs left his van windows cracked.  And on a completely unrelated note, I cleaned up our front lawn and all down the street, kindly soul that I am.”

“Kind indeed – cheers to being so old that we couldn’t possible have done anything wrong!”

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12 Comments

  1. Considering how many neighborhood dog walkers don’t clean up after their pets, I need Ernie as a co-conspirator. A fun read.

    • I’ve got the same problem in my neighbourhood. That, and the people who bag the poop… and THEN leave it behind. what is UP with that?!

  2. Yes, I agree with Tara. It is an absolutely fun read!! Gotta watch those old people. Always pulling pranks…;)

    • With age comes wisdom… and a return of the guileless ‘who, me?’ face of a child 😀

      • Haha! I like that. I’m going to have to remember that in 40 years.

        • my grandpa’s expression when he popped his dentures back in (from having entertained us kids with them) just before my grandma turned around to find out what we were laughing about… butter wouldn’t have melted in his mouth 😛

  3. I could very much see my husband as an “Ernie”!

  4. Oh I love that old hooligan!! Wouldn’t that be just the perfect revenge? if only I could catch the person who lets their dog poop on my lawn. LOL

    • I like catching people in the act of walking away. I like how they sheepishly pat their pockets, put on an oscar-worthy scene, and say, “oh dear, I appear to have forgotten my bags. let’s go home, Buddy, and get ourselves a bag”… because even when I don’t have Gwynn with me, there’s a very good chance that I have a bag for them.

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