How Dull


The word for Trifecta this week is:

vulgar (adj) \ˈvəl-gər\

1: generally used, applied, or accepted

2: vernacular <the vulgar name of a plant>

3 a : of or relating to the common people : plebeian

b : generally current : public <the vulgar opinion of that time>

c : of the usual, typical, or ordinary kind

The prompt gives you between 33 and 333 words.  Check out the other links or post your own HERE.

My story is a continuation of the Necessary story, and it takes place the same day as the first time the girls go to the other dimension together.  In order of reading, for those of you new/interested, it would be:

The Necessary

This story

Lazy Afternoons (somewhere in the middle there)

Enough

Though apart from ‘The Necessary’ and this prompt response, they aren’t really connected together yet.

A question for you all.  If I were to turn this into a YA type book – first person or third person?  The only reason I started it in the first person was to challenge myself (apart from talkingaboutmyself, I mainly write in the third person) with something different.  And ‘lazy afternoons’ was done in the third person, just to see how it would go.  I’m not sure which version of things I prefer, so I leave it to a vote!

I saw the world through new eyes.  There was no comparison, of course.  Everything here was so vulgar and dull with the memory of there so fresh in my mind.  It was like I had lived my entire life in black and white, only to discover, Dorothy-like, a Technicolor dreamland.  It was intoxicating.

I could barely sit through the rest of my classes, film-reels of memory projected over everything.  The chef was red.  Like a fire engine, an all-over solid red with stubby sawn-off horns protruding from his forehead.  He looked like a demon, but his handlebar moustache had twitched with his smile, as, in a deep southern drawl, he asked me if I preferred white or dark meat.  A bright red demonic chef called me darlin’.

The final bell rang and I ran to my locker, too wrapped up in my thoughts to hear the snickers when I had to try my combination twice before I got the door open. I grabbed what I needed, brushing past the gaggle of popular girls, completely indifferent to their mocking laughter.

Joanna was balanced precariously on the railing at the top of the school steps when I emerged.  She grinned and hopped down when she saw me, falling into step with her arm linked in mine.

My smile widened in relief – she hadn’t changed her mind.

“So?”

“HOLY cow, I can’t even – I mean –“ I stumbled over my words.  “That was amazing.”

Joanna laughed, head back and mouth wide, throwing herself into the emotion.

“We are going to have so much FUN” she cried gleefully.  “I can’t wait to show you more!”

“Tomorrow?”

Joanna cut her eyes towards me, grinned, and said, “Tuesdays are meatloaf day in the caf here – I bet we could find a mean slice of pizza there, though.”

That night, I dreamed of Alice in Wonderland.  Why, I asked her, would you ever leave?

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10 Comments

  1. You’re very good at this. Personally I prefer the first person because I feel it draws the reader in more and make it more personal. As if you are almost participating instead of standing outside watching. But that’s just me. :-0 You did ask however.

    I like this story of the other world and think if you keep participating you will have your YA completed sooner than you thought possible.

    • I’m already surprised at how many sections i’ve been able to post about the same story. I just need to get in the habit now of posting things in order 😛

  2. I think it would depend on what you wanted to illustrate with the story. If the point is this one girl’s journey as it relates to this other girl and the other dimension, then first person. (Or possibly alternating first person).

    If the point is to paint a vivid portrait of this alternate reality and use it as a mirror held up against our own, third might (MIGHT) be more effective.

    Them’s my 2 cents anyway!

    I like these characters. I find them plausible, and I’m developing a sense of worry for them. They are kind of plunging forward heedless, wondering why Alice and Dorothy would ever come back, when (in the last installment anyway) the inhabitants of the other world seem at least moderately hostile to them) Cool!

    • I kind of set things up a bit wrong – the story sections aren’t all in order… So this piece is earlier in the time-line than their fight or their run-in with the tree. I’m going to have to work on doing things in order!

  3. Nice story! I like this.

  4. Thanks for linking up with us, Alex. I like this story a lot and can really see how you could develop into a much bigger work. I think I like the first-person for this. as I’m pretty sure it brings the reader into he story more. I hope we get to see more of this over the coming challenges.

    • Thanks – I think the overall opinion so far is definitely first-person. Which is good, because switching is very difficult.

  5. Well now I want more story. For this one I think first-person works really well.

    • It’ll come, over time 🙂 I think I’ll stick with first person – I tried writing it in third, and it didn’t flow as easily at all. Plus, all of you guys seem to agree on it, so it must be right 🙂

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