Exercise and Training

I found an interesting workout thing online (pinterest, oh how I love thee), and this is week the second of trying to start it.  It’s about an hour (for me) of doing a series of 8 exercises, all of which can be done from your own home, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  So far, I’ve made it through the Monday exercise twice.  Weeknights are busy!

I like it because the idea is to exercise based on your body shape (focus on areas that tend to gain weight, or areas that could use toning).  They explain all the body types neutrally, without insinuating that one body type is the best type.  I (and every single one of my female relatives, curse you, genetics) am in a body type called ‘pear shaped’.  I feel it in my muscles the next day, and I am going to try to incorporate it into my overall schedule.  Check it out HERE if you’re interested.  That link is also where I got all of the pictures below.

I’ve even translated the pear-shape exercises into dog-owner-ese for you.  I’m generous like that.

Exercise 1 – Lift-off lunge.

Hold intriguing objects up.  Lower into position where objects are just out of reach of standing dog.  Push off of front leg, balance on one foot while jerking intriguing objects up very high.  Attempt to maintain balance when dog punches you in the gut while leaping enthusiastically into the air, trying to catch the intriguing objects.

Exercise 2 – Scissor Jump

Crouch down in play-like position.  Jump up, flailing wildly with arms and legs, switching legs in mid-air.  Attempt to repeat jump while Dog prances and leaps enthusiastically.  Manage two more wobbly jumps before Dog decides to see if he can get a treat from performing “bow” with his thick-clawed paws on your front bent knee.  Put him in a sit-stay, get one jump in before he tries to hump you from behind.  Wonder where the hell this humpiness is coming from.

Exercise 3 – Pushup and Leg Raise on the ball

Bring out giant ball.  Feel grateful that dog doesn’t appear interested in it.  Do pushup on ball.  Attempt to lift one leg off the ball, causing full-body tremors.  Die.  Repeat exercise one-handed, as you ward off doggy kisses and attempts to jump onto your back.

Exercise 4 – Hundred on the ball

Hold a crunch position with your legs up and resting on the ball, while breathing loudly and counting to 100 – out-two-three-four-five, in-two-three-four-ten, etc.  While Dog alternates between attempting to sit on your arm or stomach for pets, and curling up in the space under your head and shoulders.  That second one actually makes the exercise much easier.

Exercise 5 – mermaid

Lie on your side, supporting arm resting on the most fascinating blanket on earth.  Swing arm above head intriguingly.  Fight off doggy kisses, attempts at blanket thievery, and attempts to curl up on the small piece of blanket directly by your head in order to get the ‘air pets’ you’ve been doing.  Get knocked over by enthusiastic bum-wag when someone comes into the room.

Exercise 6 – Boat curl and press

Done on the floor, challenge of exercise is increased by dog attempting to latch on to one of the fascinating objects you’re waving around at low and high dog-level.  Consider it ‘adding resistance’.



Exercise 7 – Triangle Lat Raises

Perform first few iterations, causing great excitement in dog.  When he runs over to stand directly beside you, attempt to fight through the distraction (just one more exercise after this!) by deviating from direct up-and-down route of arm, wagging and dodging doggy attempts to rob you of weights.  I strongly recommend against this particular doggy modification – I think I screwed up one of my shoulders doing this.  Nothing too serious, but best avoided all around.

Exercise 8 – Dip and Knee Raise

Integrate dog training into exercise, because the only way you’re going to get through this without having your legs humped by the sexual deviant your dog has become is by convincing him it’s worth his while to sit-stay.  Suspect that sweating all over a fistful of dehydrated beef liver is both rehydrating it and causing your pores to suck up the unappetizing smell of beef liver.  Second suspicion confirmed later, give the relatively healthy bowl of air-popped popcorn to someone whose hands don’t smell of beef liver treat.

I figure this series of at-home exercises will both increase my overall strength and drastically improve Gwynn’s training at the stay command.

Previous Post


  1. huh, were u planning on making this a post before you pitched it to me on the phone? 😛
    Looks interesting 😀

    • I like it so far, though we’ll see what I say at the end of a week in which I actually do all three days of the exercise 😛

  2. You made me laugh so hard. I tried to do yoga last week and had delilah right in my face. that is not stress relieving. 🙂 good luck with your exercising.

    • They really just assume that anything you’re doing must somehow be directed towards them. it’s like, “how can I help you make this more fun? Aha, i’ll clean your ears!”

  3. This is so GREAT! I’m quite sure little Luna will want to be by my side the whole time. I’ve tried to do yoga at home and my 7lb princess just licks my face like crazy…

    • clearly the only reason you’re lying down is to give her better access to your face 😛 not for silly reasons like ‘trying to relax and stretch’!

  4. Too funny! I appreciate the incorporation of the dog training elements as generally anytime I move in my house my dog thinks it is to play with her. Hence why all attempted forms of exercise usually end up being more for my dog’s benefit than my own.

    I’ll have to check out the link. Good luck with your work-out!

    • Pretty much the only thing Gwynn doesn’t try to ‘help’ with is vacuuming. And then he’s torn between wanting to be close to me because of a scary vacuum, and wanting to stay away from me because I’ve got the vacuum 😛
      My hope is that he’ll get really good at listening to me, even when i’m out of breath and in awkward positions… it could happen.

  5. #3 is SERIOUS! I try to incorporate that move into my weekly routines and it always leaves me sore. I guess that means it’s working, right? Good for you for sticking with exercise goals. It’s tough but always worth the effort!

    • The entire thing is kind of killing me. It looks relatively simple on paper, but in action? it’s tough. I agree – the pain must mean it’s working… or why the hell am I doing these things?

  6. Haha! This is the best! You describe exactly what happens as if you’ve been spying on our house. Wait a sec….

    • ummm… just… ignore that ‘plumber van’ that’s been sitting half a block from your house for the past three days, ok? 🙂

  7. Haha I think I have done those exercises! (PS I just do not get pinterest. 🙂 )

    • it’s weird… It just sucks you in once you start looking. though mostly I just use it for storing recipes I’ve found online, instead of sending m self emails with links to those recipes.

  1. Types of Exercise for my Body Shape (Pear) - BBW Beauties Mag
%d bloggers like this: