Who’s There?


Mama’s Losin’ It

I’m joining in on Mama Kat’s writers workshop this week, and I picked prompt 1.

Who was at your front door? (inspired by fam mum slim)

Only I did it in the present tense, because I’m awesome like that.

Check out the rest of the linkups HERE, or link up yourself!

***

The dog who, moments before, was lying peacefully in front of the television, lurched to his feet and bolted for the door.  He barked, pulling out the deep and intimidating woof he reserves for alerting us to potential intruders on our property.

Most people don’t bother with the doorbell.

I kick off my blanket, stand up, and narrowly avoid diving head-first into the wall, as the blanket follows me to the ground, twisting around my ankles like a cat.  The barking increases from anxious to frantic, as he runs back and forth between the door and I, tail streaming like a banner.

Rushing barefoot towards the door, I stifle an agonized yelp as my pinky toe meets its doom at the hands of a large dog bone.  Jerking my throbbing foot up high, I wobble off-balance and swing my foot out front to stabilize myself, landing hard on a stuffed dragon containing at least six still-functional squeakers.  I hit them all, and the squeaked cries of the muppet-damned rise inharmoniously in the spaces between vehement woofs.

Eyes watering from the pain still shooting up from my toe, I hip check the door of the dog crate, rattling the entire metal framework in a manner reminiscent of a cartoon gong.  The vibrations knock over a pile of paper that had been left carelessly near the edge, so that it cascades down onto the floor in a crinkly disaster.

I slip in between the dog and the door, fumble at the lock, and open the door a crack.

Nothing.

I open it further, the dog peering anxiously around my hip, head up and chest high, ready to defend the house from rogue boy scouts fundraising with chocolate, students offering their lawn mowing services, and people selling religion.  Also quite determined to keep me between himself and the potentially dangerous intruder, just in case things go south.

Nothing.

I swing the door wide, and we stand, side by side in the doorway

The front porch is empty.  The steps, the lawn, the driveway – empty.  Even the street in front of our house – the street as far as I can see in either direction – is empty.

The dog has stopped barking.  Sometimes I suspect he’s smarter than he looks, but since I’m already up, I guess I’ll take him out in the back yard for a bit.

Devious? Naaaah

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16 Comments

  1. Oh, he has got your number!!

  2. 😛 You DO remember that our front door has a frosted glass bit on it, and you can clearly see human shapes through it?
    lol, but he has done that to me as well 😛
    I like that you had the blankets twining around your ankles like a cat 😀

    • And yet, on a regular basis, people stand just to the side of the door. He also starts barking for people when they haven’t gotten up to the porch yet. That’s how he’s always waiting for me at the front door when I get home. Like a ninja.

  3. oh no hope that toe was ok… My hubby did that to me yes me. our Scooby doo sounding 6mo puppy ruffed up a storm at our bedroom door, bolt up hubby too.. honey maybe you should check it might be your dad ( they live with us) yep he thru me to the wolves.. was my niece arriving late no one told us.. haa great story love our furr babies.. hubby on the fence,,J/k

    • Ridiculous – send the wife out of the warm and comfy bed to go make sure there wasn’t someone burgling your house! Lucky you it was just a surprise relative-visit 🙂

  4. stubbing your toe on bones is the worst! First, we had to avoid all the baby toys, and now it’s Lego’s and dog toys. In the middle of the night, you step on a squeak toy…oh, come on!

    🙂

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
    Lake Forest, CA USA

    • They really crush your foot when you kick right through them mid leg-swing! And the squeaky toys can sure give you a heart attack at night, you’re right.

  5. Okay, I totally cracked up at the scene of you stubbing your toe, tripping, landing on a giant squeaky dinosaur. That’s exactly something that would happen in my house. Love it.

    • I’m glad it isn’t just me 🙂 honestly, sometimes I think my house should be rigged with video cameras, just to catch the ridiculous planned-looking series of mishaps that make up what ought ot be a simple chore.

  6. I love this! I’m still convinced my dog is a tiny, manipulative person dressed like a pup.

    • My tiny manipulative person might be chatting with yours at this very moment, comparing notes on how to ensure that bacon ends up in the dog-dish.

  7. Okay, THAT’s a smart dog!

  8. Good one!

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