The Lights are on in the Birdhouse in my Soul


My inner magpie has a propensity to be attracted to shiny things.  “Shiny” in this case, though, is much closer to the usage in Firefly – neat, cool, awesome.  Though the things this magpie is attracted to are often quite shiny (glossy, sparkly, chrome-ey, etc) as well.

I will give you this, precious, and you will give me the shiny!

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She is more like Gollum than like a real magpie.  She sits, locked up tight in the bird house in my soul, no light on to reflect on the hoard she lusts over.  Sensible-Lexy and the Magpie argue a lot.  She (the Magpie) even sounds like Gollum.  Creepy…

Upon entering a car dealership (while shopping around for the vehicle type I want to buy used.  USED.):

Magpie: SHINY!!!!

Me: Yup, shiny!

Magpie: Buy it buy it buy it buy it

Me: Which?Magpie: BUY IT! SHINY!

Me: No.  Getting a used car, lack funds for a new car.

Magpie: SHINY! Wants it, wahahahants it NOW!

Upon the delivery of Doodles Mac laptop, a requirement for her school program starting in the fall:

Magpie: Wants it!

Me: we have a computer – it is a desktop and entirely functional.  Also – we hardly use a quarter of its ability, and prefer to not spend extra time at home on the computer.

Magpie: But it’s so new.  So… shiny… So much better, stronger, faster, shinier than the one we have!

Me: We have no use for it, apart from adding one to our hoard… and Macs are Mac-ively expensive.  We aren’t getting one.

Magpie: We will register in Doodle’s Art department –need laptop, now!

Me: No.  We lack the talent in art to get accepted into the program.  We are also finished school.

Magpie: Shiny! MINE!  Need laptop for using computer elsewhere than desk!

Me: NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!  Back in your house, carrion-bird!

Magpie: … Nasty filthy sisterses gets shiny, no shiny for Magpie, Magpie least favourited of all the sisterses…

That argument doesn’t always include a Mac… it includes whatever laptop is in the flyer, on a friend’s desk, or in a store I’m in… This one was most recent, though, since Doodles new laptop got bought without her presence about two weeks ago.  It sits there, mocking me, trying to lure me into its shiny shiny depths.  I avoided the room it was in while my mom was putting updates and new programs on, so that I couldn’t look into its hypnotic screen.  After all – you don’t know what might be looking back!

... it's watching me! Waiting...malevolent... apple...

Despite my keeping the magpie firmly locked in her house, lights off, through the laptop saga, I think the fight might have weakened the locks.  It’s the only explanation for how the next argument went down.

During discussion of getting new phones/new phone company when our phone contract expired:

Bad-influence-parent (BIP)– *on the phone with the company that searches for your ideal plan for you, and negotiate with the companies to get a good deal*  Well, did you want to get a mart phone?  We can get a really good deal.

Me – *drop-kicked by Magpie, disoriented, vision blurred* … ummmm

Magpie – shiny!  SHINY!

Hermit in me – People will be able to get in touch with me – all the time!!! NO!

Hermit – how about, instead of a smart phone, we get a Danish nest-box, and move somewhere no-one will ever be able to visit… ever.

Magpie – fancy, shiny, technology-ey!

Me – GPS?  I would have Shiny… I mean… GPS for when I get lost. Or need to … find… shiny… things…

Magpie – my smart phone, my presssssciousssss – you are mine!  SHINY!

Me – but I can google and write myself directions before I leave…

Magpie – NOOOoooooo…. But wait… *slyly smiling at me* can you geocache with ‘directions’?

Me – No…. that’s true… I could geocache.  Geocaching is cool.

Me – But unnecessary – and I don’t use the computer much at home anyways!  Why would I want it everywhere?!

Magpie – pretty, precious, shiny shiny technology, you will be mine!

BIP – Wow, I just found out, we can get a massively impressive deal.  Like… basically unlimited Data…

Me – I don’t want an iPhone…

BIP – Samsung Nexus S

Magpie – Touch screen!

BIP – Basically don’t pay for the first 6 months!

Magpie – good camera for taking pictures of the dog!  Video!

Magpie – Update blog from anywhere!

Magpie – Face-to-face video calling with Doodle when she’s at university!

Me – SHINYYYYYY!

Magpie – My precioussssss…

I caved. It’s coming today.  I’ve been excitedly and fully embracing my inner techno-Magpie for nearly a week, waiting for its arrival.  It is shiny and pretty.  And probably not at all necessary. This is like switching from rocking-horse to race-horse.  And the thing is – I could probably have been completely and entirely functional without the racehorse.

But I can’t stop being excited, I can’t!  I hardly ever cave to the Magpie’s wishes regarding the fanciest, best, newest, shiniest technology.  I sit on purchases until, most of the time, they don’t happen.  Both my mp3 (6 years old) and my camera (4 years old) were Xmas gifts.  I don’t do technology purchasing, because it’s hard to tell if it’s just the inner Magpie or a genuine need that calls me to purchase.  I blame Doodle’s imminent departure to destinations beyond a 4-hour-drive from me…

How do I turn the lights off on the Magpie filled bird house in my soul?  Am I the only one with an inner techno-magpie?  How long do you think my inner hermit will stay in the fetal position?

Also, do you think I could get “Birdhouse in your Soul” as my ringtone on my new phone?  That’d be shiny!

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14 Comments

  1. HAHAHAHAHA!!! This was so funny! I have an inner Magpie as well, for all things both shiny and sparkly – it’s the sparkly ones that are dangerous for me! 😀

    • I’ll admit, the sparkly things are tough… but for some reason, my magpie is more vocal about technology that I don’t necessarily need 😛

  2. LOL I am sure you could get “Birdhouse In Your Soul” as your ringtone, but would you reeeallly want it? 🙂

    • it might get old, quick 😛 But it’s such a hilarious song!

      • Heh well my ring tone is Nazareth’s “Beggar’s Day”…lol. Maybe not business appropriate, but often how I feel when the phone rings.

        • that’s a great one… the lyrics definitely woudl have suited me yesterday… might have phoned my cell (at my desk) while being not at my desk, to see if Crazypants was copying every noise from my office 😉

  3. Oh Lexy, I LOVED the LOTR analogy. It was perfect.

    Two weeks ago we were up for new cell phones. Husband wanted smart phone b/c he works in machine shop. I did not because I have access to a computer all day long.

    Droid 2 X was BOGO at verizon, so down we went and hubby got his phone as did I. Hubby loves his phone. Me not so much. Can’t justify the additional expense every month and don’t have real need for it, but I have it and I am stuck with it.

    Training September 1st to try and figure out how to use the smart phone. 🙂

    • I’m giong to have to sit down and read through the (online!) manual to learn a lot of things. Like… how to use data? and make the video-calling thing work… that’s an important one, especially for once Doodle is far-and-away.
      I like that you have a start-date for training to use your phone 😛 until then, just hoping no-onecalls? I don’t think I know how to answer my phone, at the moment – after all… it has no actual buttons.

      • Believe it or not, after we got them I said to my husband “do you know how to answer this thing?” Surprise! Neither one of us did, so I shot my daughter a text and asked her to call my cell. 🙂

        There are some cool things and cool apps the phone does/has. It can certainly be fun. Words with friends….I’m Auntie Jodi

        • I still haven’t gotten an actual phone call… but the gmail chat thing is a nice feature. I’ll have to check out ‘words with friends’ (? is that the name of the app?)

  4. I didn’t think anyone else remembered that song. I LOVE THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS…they had a following while I was in high school (late 80’s graduated in 90)

    …say I’m the only bee in your bonnet…make a birdhouse in your soul.

    Instanbul was once constantinoble…living in Instanbul…

    They now do kids programs. I’ll point it out and my husband won’t know who they are and I’ll say “YES! yes you do.”

    their music makes me happy!
    Sandi

    I love my Verizon Ally…hard keyboard that slides out and awesome GPS!

    • I love them, too… their songs are so ridiculous and awesome! I can see them doing kids programs well 😛 They did the theme song to Malcolm in the Middle, which was pretty much perfect for that show.

  5. … I’m leaving this on, even though it’s odd… because apparently, I am now a top Android resource… and that gives me the giggles, since, two days after getting the phone, i’m considering calling myself, to find out how to answer the phone.

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